Not an easy subject right? Before we begin, the important thing to remember is that you don't want to terrify your kids about the world we live in, or make them feel nervous on a daily basis. In particular with younger ones, we all know children are prone to nightmares when their imaginations are active about any kind of predator.

This is important for you as a parent also. We ARE very fortunate in Australia that the rate of non-parental child abductions is low in comparison to other countries. In our eyes though a 'low' rate is still too many, and our aim is that NO children or their families will ever have to go through the unthinkable. Other well reported statistics on the rates of child sexual abuse are far too high though, so some of the tips we'll cover here are pertinent to helping your children protect themselves in these situations as well.

Let's start with what NOT to say. Most of us have been brought up with the traditional 'stranger danger' message. "Don't go with a stranger" has been proven to be horribly ineffective in keeping kids safe. So first rule of thumb is leave the word 'stranger' out of your vocabulary when discussing safety with your kids. Why's this?

Research has shown that most children when asked who a stranger is, will say 'someone mean or ugly looking'. They simply won't view a nice looking lady or a kind looking man as someone they should steer clear of. When you think about it, we too probably only avoid a 'strange' looking character who tries to talk to us in the street. In terms of child sexual abuse, the majority of children are molested by someone the family knows, sometimes by an actual family member. So advising children that only strangers are capable of harming them will place your children off guard.

For older children (around ten yrs plus) it should be ok to give the real reasons as to why you are concerned about child abductions and the tragic outcomes of some of these. For younger children though, we see absolutely no need for them to understand that there are people in the world who take children to sexually abuse and sometimes murder them. It is far better, and more advisable to 'stretch the truth' a little and tell them something like "there are people out there who don't have children of their own, so they try and steal someone else's child". This, in our opinion, is far easier for a little child to comprehend, and while scary enough in thought for them to take heed of what you say, won't create unnecessary terror in their little heads.

Some 65% of non-parental child abductions are committed by someone the child or the childs' parents have actually met before, no matter how briefly. (We say non-parental because the rate of disgruntled non-custodial parents who kidnap their children are much higher than abductions from other people.) Think of some scenarios where you have had a friendly, albeit brief banter going with someone you don't know. A tradesperson that has come to your home; someone you chatted with in line at the post office or in the general neighbourhood; a salesperson coming to your door. All your child needs is to witness is you having a chat or a laugh with someone seemingly 'nice', and the child no longer views them as a stranger if they happen to come across them again. If mum is out the front gardening and little Sally sees her chatting to someone walking past with their cute dog, Sally is far more likely to let this person chat to her if she is out in the front garden without mum a few days later - especially if they have that cute little dog with them! Remember, most paedophiles are incredibly child savvy and personable with children.

So What Do You Say? The best approach is to teach young children not to talk to ANYONE if you, a teacher, carer or other parent is not by their side. This may not sit well with parent's hoping to instill politeness into their kids, but it's by far the safest move. If an adult or responsible carer is not by their side, there is no need for cordiality, and most adults today will understand that.

If your child is old enough to walk to and from school on their own, or travel down to the shops without you, they need to understand how to react in certain circumstances. For example:

No adult should ask a child for help or directions. Kids can be caught off guard if someone pulls over in a car while they're walking along or riding their bike. If the person yells out for directions, let your child know it's ok for them to not respond, or they can simply say 'I'm sorry, I can't talk to you - you need to go and ask an adult'. Make sure they know never to approach the car to engage in conversation.

Equally this age group may feel obliged if someone struggling with their shopping bags or having trouble lifting something into a car asks them for help. Adults should ask other adults for help - not children! Advise your child that if this ever happens to them, not to go over and help the person, but to say "I'll just go and find an adult to help you". If applicable your child should then go into a shop and speak to the shopkeeper only (again, not just a shopper), to advise them someone is wanting help outside.

Common Tactics of Abductors We've already mentioned what your child should do if an adult approaches them for help, but there are many other well known 'tricks' used to lure children away from safety. The obvious one is an adult offering gifts or lollies, or suggesting the child come and look at some cute little kittens or puppies. Teach your kids (all ages) that these are common tricks, and if anyone ever tells them they have something great to show them, they should ignore the offer and go immediately to a trusted adult or to a group of other kids to tell them.

Another example is where an adult may say to a child "quickly, come with me, your mummy/daddy has been hurt and they want me to take you to them." Let your kids know that if something has ever happened to you for real, you would only send a family member/teacher etc. to get them. Stress that, even though it might sound very plausible because the person seems to know family names, they should go and find a trusted adult who can check it out. Go over again with your kids that, although they may slightly know the person who is telling them to come with them, they shouldn't feel bad about saying no, and getting assistance from someone they know well.

More Hypothetical Scenarios God forbid your child has found themselves vulnerable in a dangerous situation, but should someone have managed to take your child, role play what the person may say to them to get them to 'shut up'. Obviously an abductor/molester will want to hush a screaming child and may say things like "stop screaming or I'll hurt your mother/father etc". Let your kids know that this will not happen! and they are to scream, kick, scratch and punch for all their might. Yelling out "He/She's not my mum/dad!" or "I don't know this person!" is also advised. If your child has on his/her AmberWatch, then the alarm alert will really help draw attention from passer's by to the situation.

Even with sexual molestation cases, children are often told by the perpetrator to keep quiet about what has happened, or he will 'hurt' someone else in the family, or something equally as terrible. If your child knows in advance that this is yet another well known 'trick' to keep them quiet, they can focus on protecting themselves, without the added fear and guilt that they may be causing more harm to others.

Be Specific about 'No Go' areas of the Body. For the average parent, statistics that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 7 boys will experience some kind of sexual molestation in their childhood, is heartbreaking. Make sure your children know that any part of their body that a swimming costume covers is a 'No Go' area for anybody other than a trusted family member. This also includes touching parts of an adults body. Make sure your child knows that any sexual advance towards them is against the law. This will give them the confidence to assert themselves if they know it's a legal crime, rather than just something mum or dad don't want.

Keep open communication with your children and encourage them to talk to you about anything without guilt. Remember, paedophiles often use the "our little secret" ruse.

On a final note, molesters are very good at detecting attention/affection starved kids. Address any work/home life balances before it's too late, knowing the effort you put into your children today will sow the seeds for the next generation of emotionally healthy adults.