Often we overload ourselves with extra work, waste large amounts of our time and build resentment against others, simply because we don't know how to say 'no'.

A friend complained about a stockbroker who keeps calling him regularly, even though he has no interest in investing. I asked if he has told the man he's not interested, and he says he has. But one day I was in his office when the broker called, and after much rolling of his eyes and hemming and hawing, my friend said, "It's just not the right time for me to invest right now," and after another moment or so the call ended. When I asked why he didn't just tell him he wasn't interested, he thought he had!

There are degrees of negative response, depending on how final the answer is. Here are some suggestions:

"Leave it with me and I'll get back to you tomorrow." Even if you are sure your answer will be no, this buys you time to think, and to craft the best way of saying so. But do call them back the next day.

"I can't lead the meeting this week, but I'd be happy to do the next one." Offering an alternative lets you say 'no' on a positive note. Again, don't say this if you've no intention of carrying through.

"A $100 contribution is too much, but I'd be pleased to donate $25." You've renegotiated the terms to which you'll agree.

"No." Sometimes it's a complete sentence. Even if you have to repeat it several times as the other person tries to persuade you, eventually your message will get through.

Learning to say 'no' effectively is a specific communication skill that can save your time, your energy and your peace of mind.